Radical Acceptance : a DBT skill for distress tolerance
Have you ever been in a situation and felt an intense wave of emotion overwhelm you, taking over your thoughts, and leading you to take destructive actions towards yourself or others?
While experiencing pain and strong emotions happens to everyone, for some people, emotional pain feels more intense and happens more frequently than for others. Strong emotions can come quickly and feel like an overwhelming blizzard, similar to being caught in a snowstorm of emotions that will never end.
There are multiple strategies that exist to support people in managing intense emotions. One of these modalities is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
DBT is a therapy technique, initially developed by Marsha Linehan (PHD) to help people reduce feelings of emotional overwhelm and have more stability in their lives and relationships.
While DBT was initially developed to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, it has now been shown to be effective with anxiety and depression, shame, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, relapse prevention, anger and aggression, interpersonal problems and other challenges.
About intense emotions…
Some research suggests that the likelihood of developing intense, overwhelming emotions may be decided from birth.
However, it can also be largely influenced by trauma or neglect in childhood.
Did you know?
Trauma during childhood development can change our brain structure in ways that make us more likely to experience, intense, negative emotions.
DBT teaches a person skills to help manage their overwhelming emotions and handle distress without losing control or acting destructively.
There are 4 major skills categories that are taught through DBT.
Distress Tolerance
Mindfulness
Emotion regulation skills
The first skill category is Distress Tolerance:
This set of skill aims to give you tools to soften strong emotions when they happen, so you can return to a place of control and engage with your emotions in a more productive and often less harmful way.
Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill that involves accepting what has happened without judging it, or hoping it would change. It involves acknowledging the present situation without judging the events that led us here or criticizing ourselves.
When we are in pain, our first reaction is to get angry or blame someone for causing the pain in the first place. No matter who we blame, the pain is still there. In fact, the angrier we get, the worse we often feel. Being upset that something has happened in the past can stop us from working towards changing our situation in the future.
Radical acceptance can be used in situations such as:
The end of a relationship
After having experienced a traumatic event
Experiencing unexpected change
Feeling stuck or unable to move on from a negative event.
Radical acceptance focuses on acceptance and emotional detachment. It encourages us to focus on what we can control and letting go of unhelpful emotions such as anger, bitterness, resentment or undue shame. It is an encouragement to open yourself to fully experiencing reality as it is in this one moment. This allows us to focus on finding solutions and making a plan for change. With practice, experiencing the present moment can lead us to a sense of peace and eventually some level of satisfaction with life.
Just to be clear—Radical Acceptance isn’t about putting up with toxic or abusive behavior. It doesn’t mean saying, "Oh well, this is just how things are." It’s about recognizing reality so you can decide what to do next.
If someone is treating you badly, Radical Acceptance isn’t about staying in that situation—it’s about seeing things as they are so you can take action to protect yourself. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. You still deserve respect, boundaries, and safety. If you’re in a tough situation, reaching out for support is a powerful next step.
Ready to take control of overwhelming emotions?
Radical Acceptance is just one of the many skills DBT can offer to help you navigate life’s challenges with more stability and peace. At Aligned Minds Counseling and Therapy, our therapists specialize in DBT and can help you build the tools you need to manage distress, improve relationships, and feel more in control.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Book a session with one of our therapists today and start your journey toward emotional balance and lasting change.
References
Dimeff, L. et al. (2020) Dialectical Behavior Therapy in Clinical Practice. 2nd edn. The Guilford Press. Available at: https://www.perlego.com/book/4410284 (Accessed: 28 January 2025).
Linehan, M. (2014) DBT Skills Training Manual. 2nd edn. The Guilford Press. Available at: https://www.perlego.com/book/4409582 (Accessed: 12 February 2025).
McKay,M., Wood, J & Brantley, J. (2019). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. New Harbinger Publications, inc.
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